There’s a
lithesome effluvium
beetling from the moist arm
of a yesterday tree

There’s a
reverberating puddle decision
marring the roots
of a yesterday tree

us

the story of
a yesterday tree.

The next day I awoke up and looked in my drawer and didn’t see them. I realized I had agreed almost KNOWING I would not be able to fulfill his request. His first request of me. So there it was. A test? Of him? Or me?

There was no hesitation, his first text at 11am stating simply “Where are the pictures I was expecting?” And at that moment, I knew. This was different.

“I’m sorry Daddy. Should I take my punishment? Or give you my reasons…” I don’t know where these words came from, but there they were. And He knew I knew when I said I would that I wouldn’t. I swear He knew.

We talked it through. I understood he could only help me if I was honest.  And then he said:

“I want you to know I am not mad, Baby Girl. And I don’t want to, but I have to punish you now.” Electricity shot through my body. I felt my heart skip in my chest. Reflexes snapped into action.

“Ok Daddy.” Ah, the salve of the words, the need to please, the ritual, the reason.

” Drink two large glasses of water. You may not relieve yourself until I say so.” Oh my goodness. I just drank a lot of Crystal Light. My mind was racing, but foggy. My first instinct was to just go pee, and THEN drink the water. You know, to get a clean start. I pondered this course of action as I gulped down the first glass of water. I had made sure it was full.

But something kicked in and as if on instinct, I asked him if it is ok to go and pee first.

“No.”

I couldn’t believe this. The flood of emotions was immense and I was so excited to DO. To be ASKED to PLEASE! To pay for my weakness. To just get it over with, not wonder and analyze and spin-off in all shame drenched directions and…to prove myself.

The second cup goes down slower. My belly definitely feels full. But I was surprised I didn’t feel uncomfortable as time went on. I started to feel a blush on my skin, my arms, my chest. I was ready to go on for as long as it took. I was centered and focused on the consequences of the actions I initiated. I was getting what I needed.

Seems like all I have been doing is reading of what ever “THIS” is. submission.

The Others  I never obeyed totally. I never really felt like I was giving my gift and having the gift accepted. Accepted flawlessly and with confidence.

“Do you know why I did something as simple as control your bladder?” He asked.

“Because its yours.” I responded with immediacy.

“That’s right, Good Girl. Because you gave it to me.” I did, didn’t I…”Now, tonight, this is what you will do…”

I burned with pride because I served my punishment. I felt a certain placid power, because I obeyed. I felt amazing because I submitted.

traditional submissive
(Sometimes, I just want to say I am tired.
Sometimes I just want to say that’s not me.)

Except when it is.

Daddy, love me.

I don’t wear heels. I don’t wear makeup.
I own two pairs of shoes; Uggs and flip-flops.
But more so, I’m fat.
Yep, Im a fat girl.
This is not new news. Or even valuable news,
but you know what is?
There are people out there who don’t care.
There are people who don’t judge.

Do you hear the echos of
the mirror belch, disco ball
of disappointment?

Thin upper lip
Chins
Muffin top
Callous clean feet

I have a sexy brain.
If my outsides were my insides…
I wouldnt be here.

Your base essence~soul perfume.

And I pressed my cheek to yours and

recognized your beard on my face, and how it

bows down to my skin, and somehow

embraces me into the warmth of your shoulder that

I now recognize as mine.

God, I love you.

little sharp corner